For those of you who are going to tl;dr, here’s a quick summary of each major point brought up:

1.) T.T. and I initially did this YouTube channel management thing as a joke, and then I thought about it and decided that I actually wanted to leave my YouTube channel, and then the responses that I got and more personal consideration changed my mind and I felt it would be best to keep the channel. T.T. is a friend and a cool person, so don’t blame him for being involved with this.

2.) My actions were rushed and irresponsible, but they don’t change the fact that this channel bothers me. Also, the choice that I made could have been much worse. I almost closed my account instead because I thought it would be a clean sweep.

3.) This prank was not done for attention. The number of page views and subscribers that I receive is of no interest to me, because I manage this channel in my own time and don’t make any money for what I post here.

4.) My main reason for wanting to ditch this YouTube channel is because animation is no longer something that I enjoy as much as I did in the past. Though my channel isn’t limited to those videos, most of my subscribers are subscribed to me because of my animations, and I am pestered on a daily basis about making more videos.

5.) I’m currently stressed out, and the expectations that people here have of me here aren’t helping any. I’m ashamed that I can rarely hold on to obligations and that I’ve left projects with great potential in the dust.

6.) I’m remaining on this channel because I still want to continue with my other projects and provide more of a variety of entertainment here. If I am ever motivated to improve my animation again, I’ll post my work here, but I’m going to say it here and now: Don’t expect me to animate anything. Don’t ask me to, or I’ll be tempted to block you for bothering me.

7.) I am truly sorry about what I’ve done and I appreciate everyone who’s taken the time to hear me out. Many of you have supported me throughout the years, and you really didn’t deserve this. If you’re here and you’ve respected my feelings and opinions on the matter, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you can’t respect my decision, then kindly unsubscribe from this channel. It‘s that easy. If you’ve already unsubscribed, then I probably can’t change your mind and I don’t blame you.

All of this is pretty verbose, but I put a lot of time, effort, and thought into these words. Please hear me out before you judge me off the bat.



1.
All of this started out as a joke that my friend made. He said that “T.T. Productions would be better than PT Productions”, and I replied with “It sounds cooler and a T.T. channel would be awesome.” We joked about it for quite a bit, and got the idea that this would be a hilarious prank. We all know how that turned out. Death threats!

For those of you wondering who “T.T.” is, he’s a great friend of mine and I’m keeping his real identity anonymous. He’s got a wonderful sense of humor, he’s very talented too, and he’s been a shoulder for me to scream on. He also gives the best virtual hugs. Though he made the joke, this prank was an idea that I was all for. So don’t get pissed off at him. He offered to entertain you all in my stead, so honestly he should be thanked.

The actual T.T. you keep seeing plastered all over the channel is a character from the Diddy Kong Racing game on the N64. His power knows no bounds.

Shortly after the new T.T. Productions videos were uploaded, there were mixed responses from subscribers of mine. Being the jerk I am, I laughed it off, chatted with some friends about it a while longer, and decided to take a nap and get some schoolwork done.

During that time, I really started thinking about this channel business. Later in this gigantic mountain of text I’ll explain my reasons more clearly. But after I gave it a lot of thought, I decided that I honestly wanted to leave my channel and focus on other more important things.

I didn’t get rid of the T.T. videos. It was official. PT64 was done and I finally felt relieved.

2.
That was only yesterday. Today I woke up with a terrible feeling, and the channel issue has been bothering me ever since. It stressed me out to the point that I felt sick to my stomach. I knew that I’d made a big mistake.

I’d done all of this without really considering how people would react. Close friends of mine were concerned about what was going on, and I’d upset plenty of my fans. People that looked up to me. People that cared about me. Though they didn’t deserve it, I dropped a train on them.

As tempted as I was yesterday, I’m thankful that I didn’t choose the alternative of closing my account. That would have been much worse. My videos would be removed and my subscribers would’ve been even more disappointed with my behavior.

3.
I thought that I had nothing to lose with this prank. Since I don’t care about page views or losing subscribers, I thought that a couple dozen or so subscriptions lost wouldn’t hurt. I didn’t feel like submitting videos and I wasn’t making profit off of anything. But I lost something else.

I lost my fans’ respect.
No doubt have I lost their trust too.



4.
Reading those comments, I was reminded of myself when I was younger. Watching cartoons, drawing pictures, being involved with music, and playing video games were all things I adored, and when I was able to get wireless internet I was introduced to animations that people submitted online. They inspired me to create something of my own. When my dear friend CG showed me how to assemble frames together, I made my first shitty animation using MS Paint and Windows Movie Maker.

Literally, it was Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist throwing a rock at Link from the Legend of Zelda series. Or at least I think that’s how it went, I can’t find the original file.

But at the time I was insanely impressed with it, and continued working from there. I kept asking myself “What if I did this?” and “People would think this is funny, right?” I spent so much time working and improving, and I loved every minute of it. I’ve gotten significantly better since 2006 but I’m nowhere near professional. I now tend to focus more on the story and artwork aspects. I’ve also attempted to work with Flash 8 and Flash CS5 from time to time, but it’s still a major adjustment.

Animation was something that I loved to do. But it’s gotten to a point where that energy, the inspiration that I had when I first started, is no longer present. Whenever I try to animate something I get frustrated, bored, or unmotivated. It drives me insane. I still have so many potential ideas, like I did in the past, but when I plug the tablet into the computer and open up a blank canvas, my tablet pen seems frozen in place.

With the constant video requests that many of my subscribers send to me on a daily basis, I get even more furious. I get the notion that I’m only animating to please people, and it defeats the purpose of why I even joined in the first place. I used to have a passion for animating. Now it feels like a chore.

I can’t animate unless I’m inspired and willing to put effort into it, and I haven’t submitted a real animation in over two months.

I’m tired.

Even though I’m not making any money or profit, I feel like a sellout when it comes to animating. People enjoy my work more than I do. I had no idea that was possible.

Please understand me. I will not be posting animations until I find that inspiration again. I don’t know how long that will be, so please don’t pester me about it. Animating no longer makes me happy, so what reason is there to continue with it if it feels forced?

5.
There’s another pattern I want to mention, and it isn’t limited to animation. I’m constantly aware of one of my biggest flaws. And don’t eye me like you’ve never seen it before with other artists.

I have difficulty finishing projects. I have the tendency to make obligations to keep up with my work, and then I break those promises.

I don’t even have to search my old files and websites; I can list quite a few of those unfinished projects by the memories that pester me every once and a while. One of the biggest was a doujinshi that I rambled on about sometime in 2007 or so. Oh, such are the weaboo days. I worked for months on a Doctor Mario comic that never got released. I re-wrote it and re-drew it so many times, to the point that I never thought I’d have it ready.

The biggest project that I’m sure many of my fans will recognize is “Love and Cake”, a collab comic that CG and I spent almost a year on and gave up with it. LnC was our own story about gijinka, or humanized, Kirby characters. We had such a fun time working out character designs and personalities, and had a pretty deep plot going too, but both of us lost interest. I tried again years later to resurrect it, via another story based off the first and a joke dating sim, but neither of those worked either.

The list goes on. Many failed comics, tons of scrapped animations, RP groups I’ve left to collect dust, and folders filled with WIP art; all of these are haunting memories. So much potential down the drain. So many fans would get their hopes up, only for me to crash them by saying “Sorry, not happening.”

Half of the explanation for these lost projects is loss of motivation, and the other half is stress. Like I mentioned earlier, I have to be inspired to work on something, and if I feel like I’m obligated to something the experience is less enjoyable. When people press me to finish something, things only get worse. And it happens all the time.

Pressure isn’t the only stress I deal with either. For the people who forget that I have a life beyond the computer screen and an education to worry about, there’s the reminder. My family and friends come first, too. And for the past few months I’ve been struggling with a personal situation that I’d rather not mention. I haven’t told a soul about it. I’ve kept it to myself. It isn’t eating me alive or anything, it’s just something that I need to be certain about and take care of on my own.

I thought that pushing away my YouTube account would alleviate some of the stress that I already deal with. It would’ve been one less obligation to worry about.

6.
I know that even if I ask with all my might, there will still be subscribers who’ll bother me to make animations. But another thing hit me.

“Earth to PT, it’s your goddamn channel.”
“Upload what you want. People aren’t always going to tell you what you want to hear.”
“They won’t always agree with you, but continue to do what you enjoy most.”

Besides animation, I love art, music, and video games. To this day they are still essential aspects of my life. I would go mad without either of them.

As of late, my “HDI - 8bit Detective Novel” project was something that caught my interest. Something that I found wonderful. I was reminded of the energy that I had when I first started submitting videos to YouTube. I found something productive to work on and I was proud with what I created. I never thought once that I’d give up on it, and in time, I had nine songs that I was satisfied with, and the inspiration to continue arranging music.

I remember listening to one of my Famitracker tracks just after I’d added the finishing touches. I cried. I couldn’t believe that I’d made that song. It was catchy, and I was so happy with it. I later sent it to my friend Maka, whose response gave me a gigantic smile. She’s been behind the scenes since I started on HDI last year, and has listened to almost all of my songs so far and given me feedback.

HDI is something that I want to share with everyone. I’m happy when I put effort into it, I’m proud of my progress, and even when I get frustrated I know I’ll always return to it.

This album is only one of my examples. I think I’d also like to upload a “Let’s Play” of one of my favorite video games to YouTube, just for the sake of saying that I did one. Nintendo is something I grew up with and keep at my side every day. I think that I’d have a fun time working on one of those.

Another time killer that I enjoy is a roleplaying forum that I joined weeks ago. Is it unproductive? My storytelling skills have improved greatly and I’ve met wonderful people, as well as reunited with old friends. And it’s insanely addicting and entertaining. It’s a community that I’ve found joy in contributing to. So hell no, it isn’t unproductive.

I guess I forgot to mention my art too, but that‘s a given. I love drawing pictures and nothing’s changed that. I never run out of things to draw, and there’s always something to inspire me to draw again. My art style is considered simplistic, but I still put time and effort into my creations. I just recently hit my 5th anniversary on deviantArt, and I can look back on the improvement and development that my artistic skill has undergone. Many of you will have noticed that the Megaman series was my most recent fandom and it saved me from an art block. When artwork isn’t moving I’m able to focus on it more, so I prefer just drawing compared to animating.

My subscribers will have to understand that I’m happiest when I work on a project that I actually want to work on. If people can still appreciate me for uploading something entertaining, it shouldn’t matter if it’s animation or not. It’s something I put time into and I’m going to share it.

7.
My apologies and points have already been brought up in the past… wow, geez! I did a word count and there’s over two thousand words up there. I think that means that I’m sorry for pulling this joke? I feel much better getting things off my chest, too. I made a mistake and I hope that the people upset with me can move on after this, myself included.

If you made it all the way down here, I applaud you. Goodness, I didn’t mean to rant for that long. But those are my concerns and I’ll shut up now. I believe that my channel is going to change for the best. C:

- PT