Winnie the Pooh tottered along through the woods, humming to himself. “Perhaps today I should go see if Roo wants to have a small smackeral of hunny with me!” He chuckled as he walked toward Roo’s house, stomach growling as he thought of hunny.
When he reached Roo’s house, he saw his old friend Kanga setting up a sprinkler by her flower bed. “Well hello, Pooh!” she called out, waving to him. “Are you here to see Roo?”
“I was going to ask Roo if he’d like to eat a small smackeral of hunny with me.” Pooh said, smiling.
“Alright, he’s inside, I’ll get him in a second.” Kanga said, bending over to turn on the sprinkler. As the water turned on, it sprayed all over her nubile kangaroo body, soaking her. She wiped the water off of her apron. “It’s so hot today,” she sighed, smiling at Pooh again. “I’m sorry, I’ll go get Roo.”
Suddenly, Pooh was no longer thinking of hunny. Every inch of him was thinking of Kanga, and his tumbly was all rumbly, but not in the usual sense. There was a stirring in him that frightened him... “Oh.. .Oh bother... nevermind, Kanga, sorry.” He grinned and tottered off quickly.
As he ran down the path to his favorite thinking spot, he tried to think. He didn’t want hunny anymore, and he still couldn’t stop thinking of Kanga! He sat down on his favorite thinking log and put his hand under his chin sadly. “Think think think...” He sighed.
As he thought, Piglet walked past. “Wh-what’s the matter, Pooh? What are you thinking about?” Piglet said, hopping onto the log beside him.
“Oh bother... i’m thinking about Kanga.” Pooh said. “I just wanted a small smackeral of hunny but as soon as I saw her all wet with water... my tumbly got all rumbly and I didn’t want hunny anymore.”
“W-Well what did you want?” Piglet asked, confused.
“Hoo, I think I know what he wants!” Owl fluttered down from the trees. “Sorry, old boy,” He said, shrugging his large wings at Pooh, “but I couldn’t help overhear you. What you have now is called the stirrings.” He patted Pooh on the back. “My boy, it’s perfectly normal when growing up to feel this way when you see a woman!”
“Oh, bother bother...” Pooh said. “Then what do I want, if I don’t want hunny?” Pooh asked of Owl.
“He meansssssss you want kangaroo tang!” a voice called out from below the ground. Suddenly, Gopher popped up, shaking dirt off his head. “Sssssure, Kanga’s a hot one, but you gotta control the sssstirring!” Gopher said.
“Our friend is right, Pooh.” Owl said. “While Kanga may be our friend, I don’t think she will be willing to help you with this certain desire.”
Piglet looked confused still. “Th-then what does P-p-p-pooh have to do?”
Owl patted Pooh on the back once more. “Pooh, go home and lay down on your bed. Think of Kanga for a long time, and soon you’ll notice a change down below. I like to call it ‘The Hundred Acre Wood.’ Now when you see this, it will look like a small tree. When you see a hunny tree, what do you do to get what you want?”
Pooh thought long and hard before answering. “I climb the tree and get the hunny?”
Owl clapped. “Exactly!” He hooted, “So when you see this, put your hand at the bottom of the tree and let it climb to the top. Repeat this over and over until a... white honey comes out. When you have that, your desire will end!”
Pooh smiled. “Why thank you, Owl! I shall go home and try this!” He hopped off the log and waved goodbye to his friends, heading home to try out Owl’s advice...
Pooh tottered home, completely distracted by Owl’s earlier advice and his run-in with Kanga. As he walked he could think of nothing but the glistening water running down Kanga’s back, drop by drop. He turned his slow trot into a jog as he tried to get home quicker. As he reached his house he slammed the door behind him, sighing. “Oh bother...” he said, shaking his head in confusion.
He walked over to his mirror, looking at himself. He looked where Owl had specified down below, and to his astonishment there was indeed a small tree. Before it has been just a soggy log, as Owl had told him long ago, but he had never seen a log sprout back into a tree!
“Oh bother,” Pooh said, cocking his head to the side in confusion, “I can’t say I know why this is happening to me.” He poked the ‘tree’ softly and immediately he felt a rumbly in his tumbly once more. And once more his thoughts turned to Kanga. “I have to do what Owl said to do.” he said, shaking his head and hopping onto his bed.
Pooh leaned back on his bed, sighing as he tried to remember Owl's directions to the word. “Put my hand at the bottom of the tree...” he mumbled, placing a soft linen hand at the base of his bearhood. Then, just as Owl had said, he climbed it with his hand. “Oh... Oh bother..." he moaned softly. However, his hand was on the top of the tree but he saw no hunny yet.
“Owl DID say to climb over and over...” Pooh said, putting his hand at the bottom once more, repeating it and moaning once more. It felt so good. He continued, climbing once, twice, three more times before sighing. No hunny yet, what was he doing wrong? How many times did he have to do this?
But then he remembered. Owl had said to think of Kanga as he did it! So as Pooh set his hand on the base of his now throbbing cock once more, he closed his eyes and pictured Kanga. “Well hello, Kanga!” Pooh said, laughing to himself. But as he pictured her, he was not looking at her face. He was looking below it as she took her apron off...
Just picturing this sped Pooh’s movements up as he climbed the tree even more rapidly, not even stopping at the tip anymore as he moved back down to climb again. In his mind, Kanga was blowing him kisses. She was caressing her soft breasts. Pooh had never seen Kanga like that before, and it excited him! Just as he imagined her walking over to him to help him caress his bearhood, he felt something extremely tingly down there. He could almost feel an eruption in his tumbly as he looked down just in time to see the white hunny Owl told him about shoot all over his hand, some passing that and splattering onto his bedspread.
Pooh chuckled. “Why, I don’t believe I’ve ever had that much fun collecting hunny!” he said aloud with a laugh. “It must be delicious, even if there is not very much of it!” With that, he brought his hand to his face and licked off the ‘hunny’, then scowled and coughed. It was terrible! Salty and bitter, nothing like the hunny he got from the bees! “Perhaps this hunny is not for eating...” Pooh mused. “But it certainly it more fun to collect! Hoo hoo!”
As Pooh hopped off the bed, he wiped the “hunny” off his bedspread, tottering to the door. As he exited his house, he noticed Owl in a tree not far by. “I say, Pooh, did you do as I instructed?” The wise old owl asked, smiling widely.
Pooh nodded. “I certainly did, Owl, and you were right! It helped a lot!” He waved and tottered off once more, feeling refreshed and his mind once again clear and able to concentrate on having fun with his friends.
Pooh tottered along the path to Rabbit’s house, the aftertaste of his bear juice still fresh in his mouth. He felt that it would not be too much to ask if he just got a small smackeral of hunny from Rabbit to wash down the bitter salty taste. As he walked, however, he suddenly saw a flash of orange before he was on his back.
“Hello, buddy bear!” His good friend Tigger said, laughing as he hopped off Pooh, whom he had just tackled. “Whatcha doin’ out here?”
“Oh, hello, Tigger.” Pooh said, brushing a bit of dust from his red shirt as he got up. “How nice to see you. I was just on my way to see Rabbit to ask him if I could get just a small smackeral of hunny. You see, I have a bad taste in my mouth and I think just a bite of hunny would help fix that.”
Tigger cocked his head to the side. “A bad taste? Well whatcha been eatin’?” he asked, bouncing idly on his tail as he spoke.
“Well, Tigger, I tasted my special hunny, which I believe was a mistake.” Pooh smacked his lips a bit, trying to get the taste out of his mouth.
“What special hunny?” Tigger asked, more confused than ever. “And since when has eatin’ hunny been a mistake?”
“You see, Tigger,” Pooh began, chuckling slightly, “When I look at Kanga lately I feel a very strong rumbly in my tumbly.” He rubbed his stomach for added emphasis. “I asked Owl what that was and he said that if I climb the tree I have down below while thinking of Kanga, I will get special hunny and feel better, and he was right... But I certainly didn’t feel better after eating the hunny, hoo hoo!”
Tigger nodded. “I think I know exactly the feeling yer talkin’ about, buddy bear!” Tigger said, bouncing a bit higher excitedly. “But... I don’t feel like dat when I look at Kanga.”
“Then when, dear Tigger, do you feel like that?” Pooh asked of his friend.
“Well... whenever I feel dat way, it’s normally when I’m lookin’ at you guys. Sometimes it gets even stronger after I tackled one of ya. Right now I’m feelin’ it pretty bad!”
“Oh bother, bother.” Pooh mumbled. “Well, perhaps we should head to Rabbit’s house, and once we get some hunny we can find Owl and ask him if you need to do the same thing as I did.”
And with that, the two friends went to Rabbit’s house. They could see Rabbit in the distance, toiling as always on his garden, wiping sweat from his forehead.
“Hang on, buddy bear.” Tigger said, crouching down. “You know I gotta pounce on ol’ Rabbit, I always like pouncin’ on him da best!” With that he crept up behind Rabbit and, once he was in range, sprung out toward him, knocking him off his feet.
“What in the name of- Tigger!” Rabbit exclaimed, shaking his head angrily. “Couldn’t you just say hello?” But Rabbit could not help but notice something different this time. “Tigger, what’s that jabbing into my leg?”
“Hoo, that, my dear Rabbit, is something wonderful!” a voice cried out from above. They all looked up to see Owl perched on Rabbit’s roof. “And now that you feel it, look down, Rabbit!”
Rabbit did so, and to his surprise he saw that he was erect! “What is this, Owl?!” He cried out.
“Well, Rabbit, I believe that is also something wonderful!” He hooted and clapped his wings together. “Perhaps, instead of climbing those tiny trees with your own hands, you could assist one another by climbing one another’s trees! Simply put your hands on one another and begin to move it up and down quickly!”
Tigger and Rabbit both had the unfamiliar rumbly in their tumbly by this point and wasted no time in getting into it. Tigger put his hand at the base of Rabbit’s member, moving it up and down as he looked into Rabbit’s eyes. Rabbit did the same to Tigger’s, but moved a bit slower, a little less certain of himself.
As Pooh watched this, he looked to Owl. “Owl, do you think that perhaps Kanga would help me in that way if I helped her?”
Owl laughed. “Oh, Pooh, Kanga doesn’t have anything of the sort down there! But that, I’m afraid, is something you’ll have to find out on your own. As my Great Uncle Orville used to say: Women are ever a mystery!”
Pooh nodded and tottered off, having forgotten about the hunny. “Goodbye Tigger, Rabbit, and Owl!” he called out, going out in search of Kanga.
As he left, Owl fluttered off, leaving Rabbit and Tigger to their newly found passion in the garden....
As Tigger and Rabbit began their new romance among Rabbit’s carrot patch, a lone figure stared at them from across the bridge. Gopher frowned as he watched them begin anew, scoffing. “Everyone but Gopher...” the tiny stuffed animal choked out, digging back into his lonely tunnel.
As Gopher went back to his life of solitude, Pooh kept on his route to Kanga’s house, humming as he did so. Soon, he came upon Piglet, who appeared to be on his way to Rabbit’s house.
“Oh, hi P-p-pooh Bear!” Piglet stammered. “I was just going to say hello to R-r-rabbit!” He smiled widely, clapping his hands.
“Hoo hoo!” Pooh said, clapping his hands together as well. “Rabbit certainly is popular today! Tigger and Owl are both there as well, perhaps you can say hi to them too!”
Piglet nodded, smiling. “W-w-would you like to come with me?” He asked of his friend.
“Sorry, Piglet, I have some business with Kanga. Perhaps another time we can visit a friend together.”
“I understand. Well, g-g-g-goodbye!” Piglet said, dashing off toward Rabbit’s, humming to himself.
Piglet neared Rabbit’s bridge as he noticed the two in the distance, seemingly wrestling on the ground. But as he neared, he heard a voice.
“Well, ssssonny, that’s private!” Gopher said, popping out at Piglet’s side and making him gasp, startled. “You sssshouldn’t bother those guys right now!”
“Oh, I see...” Piglet stammered, wringing his hands together. “W-w-well, I guess I could go with Pooh to Kanga’s house... I c-c-could p-p-probably catch up to him from here...”
Gopher scowled once more, hiding his face from Pooh with his hard hat. “Sssssso Pooh is heading to Kangassss house...” He shook his head and added “That’s probably private too, why don’t you help me out a bit?”
“W-w-well sure!” Piglet said, smiling as he hopped into Gopher’s tunnel after him, following him deep into the ground.
Deeper and deeper into the ground they went, before stopping at the main room of the tunnels. “So wh-wh-what do you need help with, Gopher?” Piglet said, looking around.
As the young stuffed pig looked about, Gopher walked up behind him, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Everyone in the woods is getting help from ssssomeone...” Gopher whispered to a now uncomfortable Piglet. “Now could you help me jussst a little?...”
Far above ground, Pooh made it to Kanga’s house, to find her now weeding her own garden. “Well, hello Kanga!” Pooh called to her.
“Oh! Hello again, Pooh!” Kanga said, waving back. “How are you today?” She wiped sweat from beneath her chin, and a now familiar feeling stirred within Pooh.
“It’s funny, Kanga,” Pooh said, sitting on a log. “but today I seem to feel... a bit funny.”
“Funny?” Kanga said, hopping over to him and sitting next to him. “Well, what’s the matter? Is everything okay?”
“Nothing’s wrong, Kanga. In fact, things feel quite right! Hoo hoo!” He chuckled and looked at her once more. “I came to ask you if you could help me with something.”
“Well, sure, what do you need?” She said, putting her hand on his shoulder.
“You see, Owl told me that if you were to help me climb my tree and get the special hunny I would feel even better.”
“Your special hunny? A tree?” Kanga cocked her head, confused. “What do you mean?”
Pooh pointed to his exposed erection.
“Oh, Pooh!” Kanga turned away quickly. “Let me explain something to you. The... the special hunny Owl was talking about... that’s something you get when you’re with someone you love very much, not just anyone that will help you get it!”
“But perhaps I love you, Kanga?” Pooh said, trying to understand.
“I’m sorry, Pooh... I don’t know what to say...” Embarrassed, Kanga hopped into the house to do more chores.
Pooh sat stunned on the log for a second before hopping off, heading home. It was almost lunch time, he would get another small smackeral of hunny before asking Owl what to do now...
As Pooh returned home, he kicked a small tuft of sand in front of his door idly toward a bush, but then noticed something that caught his eye... He toddled over to the bush, shifting through it to see the flash of color he had seen... As he saw what was in the bushes tears immediately sprang to his horrified eyes...
Piglet, dead, with Eeyore’s tail stuck through the back of his head.
Pooh cradled Piglet’s small limp body in his arms as he blinked back tears. The innocent young bear had never before seen death face to face, and seeing his best friend in the bushes lifeless was enough to leave him completely shattered inside.
“Oh, Piglet... Piglet...” He sobbed, holding his old friend close as he wept. He stayed there for nearly ten minutes weeping before he heard another voice.
“Why, Pooh, what’s all the ruckus?” A voice said, popping up from the ground. “I heard sssssomeone crying up here!”
“Oh, Gopher...” Pooh choked, “Something terrible has happened.” he shifted his body, showing Piglet to Gopher, who choked back a yell.
“This is crazy...” Gopher said, tipping his hard hat over his eyes. “I just sssssaw Piglet not an hour ago, he helped me with someone down in the tunnels... Who could have done this?!” He looked to Piglet, then noticed the back of his head. Eeyore’s tail was pinned directly into the back of his skull. “Pooh bear!” Gopher said, gently taking the tail from Piglet’s head as best he could. “Did you see this?!”
“I don’t understand why Eeyore’s tail was on Piglet, Gopher...” Pooh said, hiccuping slightly as he rubbed his eyes. “What does this mean?”
“It means that black clothed ssssssson of a bitch just killed Piglet, is what it means!” Gopher yelled, throwing the tail into the dirt angrily and kicking it.
“Eeyore did this?” Pooh said, cocking his head in horrific confusion. “Th-then should we tell the others to be careful around him?”
“No!” Gopher said, suddenly wide eyed. “Don’t tell the others yet, if Eeyore knows that we know he did it, he might go inssssane and kill again!”
“But we’re close to Rabbit’s house, and Eeyore’s house is close too!” Pooh said. “I shall go talk to Eeyore and see what he’s done, then tell Rabbit about this. I don’t like keeping secrets, Gopher...” Pooh paused before adding with a choked gasp “Especially not one so sad.” With that he toddled off in a half-run toward Eeyore’s hut as Gopher blinked back tears and went back underground.
As Pooh neared Eeyore’s hut, he saw the donkey mulling around in the grass nearby. “Eeyore.” Pooh said, walking to him carefully.
“Hello, Pooh.” Eeyore said morosely. “Hope you’re having a good day. Better than mine, anyway...”
“Eeyore,” Pooh said again, “I have come to ask... why did you do it?” He shook his head quickly, tears flying. “Why did you kill Piglet?!”
“Kill Piglet?” Eeyore said, looking at Pooh. “What are you talking about, Pooh, I haven’t seen Piglet all day.”
“I found Piglet not moving in the bushes near my house... Your tail was pinned to the back of his head...”
“But Pooh, I was just looking for my tail, I lost it again!” Eeyore motioned to the tall grass he had just been looking in.
“I would so dearly like to believe you, Eeyore...” Pooh said sadly, “But Gopher told me that it was indeed you. Perhaps I should ask Owl, who might still be at Rabbit’s house... He’ll know what to do...” With that, Pooh ran off toward Rabbit’s house, leaving a terrified Eeyore in his wake.
As Rabbit cleaned the dishes inside his house he hummed happily to himself. What a time he’d had earlier! He felt so refreshed after his romp with Tigger, he had to remember to thank Owl later for telling them what to do. “Maybe I’ll ask Tigger if he’d like to come over a bit later, too.” Rabbit chuckled, putting a plate in the cabinet with a grin. His nose twitched, however, as he smelled something burning. Turning around, Rabbit saw something very bright out of the corner of his eye out the window. What he saw was his entire garden ablaze, a giant fire burning every carrot and head of lettuce he’d painstakingly grown!
With a gasp, Rabbit dashed outside with a rag, slapping at the flames with it futilely. “No, not my vegetables!” Rabbit gasped. Just as he was about to run inside for more water, he felt something hard hit the back of his head, knocking him off balance and into the fire. The blinding pain from the blow to his head had made him so dazed that it took him a few seconds to even regain his balance as the flames engulfed him.
When he was able to move again he looked down to see his hands melting away, the cloth sizzling as he tried to push off the ground pitifully. As he tried to stumble out of the fire he felt his legs give way, and knew in the back of his mind that his legs were melting off. As he stumbled slowly toward the open air once more he felt something hard roll down the left side of his body and looked to the ground. It appeared that his eye had melted completely out of it’s place and fallen off.
Suddenly, half blind and burning alive he was able to muster enough strength to fall out of the fire halfway. With his feet still in the flames he used his barely functioning arms to crawl away from the inferno, now nothing more than a pitiful wreck. As he crawled he suddenly saw a figure in his way and looked up, his vision barely there. He blinked, knocking tiny bits of ash from his eye as he made out who it was. “You...” Rabbit was able to sputter before feeling another blow to his head, then nothing.
Tigger bounced through the woods toward Rabbit’s house happily. After going home, he realized that earlier had been the best time of his life. In fact, as he bounced he realized he was thinking of nothing but seeing Rabbit once more. He chuckled merrily as he rounded the corner, only to find a terrible sight: The entire garden in flames.
“What the heck’s goin’ on here?!” Tigger yelled, hopping to fan out the flames. He jumped over the fire to get to Rabbit’s house to see if he was okay and saw another frightful sight.
“Ssssssay, Tigger, wasn’t expecting you here...” Gopher said grimly, a large piece of wood in his hand and a pickaxe in the other. Next to him was something Tigger could not make out at first. It was simply a blackened heap of fur to him. Except for the head, which was in tact, minus the indentation in the skull from where it had been hit by a blunt object and an eye socket where an eye had previously been.
“R-Rabbit?!” Tigger gasped, unable to take his eyes off of his friend and lover’s mangled and charred corpse.
“That’s right.” Gopher said. “Looks like I wasn’t in time to ssssave him...” He shrugged and pointed into the distance. “Once he cools off, you wanna help me bury him out in the woods? It’s the least we can do.”
Tigger looked at the piece of wood in Gopher’s hands, then at the cave-in of Rabbit’s skull. “Wait a minute here...” Tigger said slowly. “Why do you got dat wood? And what caused dis fire?...”
Gopher sighed. “You know the wonderful thing about Tiggers, ssssonny?” he said slowly, hefting his pickaxe suddenly and swinging it at Tigger’s stomach. It tore though his gut, causing his insides to spill suddenly. “You’re the only one. Ssssso I only gotta worry about killing one of ya.”
Tigger winced and backed away. “You’re nuts!” He screamed, limping away, unable to bounce any longer. He was too far from the bridge already, there was too much fire between it and him... But if he could just make it to the bridge and call for help... He decided to simply bear it and dropped, rolling through a part of the flames and into the small river under the bridge. The flames that licked at him were put out as he hit the water, and he weakly crawled out onto land, crawling toward the woods.
As he crawled, he looked up and saw a hole in the ground with Gopher standing beside it. The smaller animal smiled and said “And the good thing about gophers, sssssonny?” He swung his pickaxe down, striking Tigger directly between the eyes and ending his life suddenly. “We can dig.”
He heard a small gasp in the woods and whirled around to see Roo standing in the clearing, eyes wide. “What in tarnation are you doing here?!” Gopher said angrily.
“I... I just saw Tigger bouncing this way and thought he might wanna play...” Roo said, looking at Tigger’s body.
Gopher stormed over to Roo, who tripped trying to escape. “You wanna play, ssssonny, well let’s play!” Gopher dragged him over to the river, where he dunked his head under while he struggled. It took almost two minutes before Roo stopped struggling. Once he went limp, Gopher sighed. “Dry yourself off.” He said, tossing Roo into the now dying fire before hopping into his hole and disappearing.
Pooh finally made it to Rabbit’s house, hoping to find Owl, but instead he found the worst possible scenario. Every bad feeling he had felt earlier, every terrified thought he had was now amplified as he walked through the charred remains of the garden and the three bodies of his friends. “Oh, Tigger...” Pooh said, looking at his friend’s body in horror before seeing Roo on the other side of the small river, along with someone it took him a minute to recognize as Rabbit.
“What should I do?...” Pooh wept, holding his paws to his face. “I don’t know what to do!” He looked to the three and sighed. “Perhaps I shall confront Eeyore... But first I must bury my friends...” He could barely choke this line out as he picked up Roo’s tiny body in his arms. “I believe the clearing in the woods is where I shall do it...” With that, he walked off toward the clearing, unable to think of anything now.
As Pooh went to bury his friends, Gopher went on a mission of his own. He had been digging straight toward Eeyore’s house since killing again. Pooh had been asking questions, next he’d go to Eeyore and that would lead to Gopher, and Gopher could not allow that to happen. He popped up outside of Eeyore’s hut to find him crying.
“Well what’s all the ruckus, Eeyore?” Gopher said, peeking his head in.
“Oh, hi Gopher.” Eeyore sniffed. “Pooh just came by, he thinks I killed Piglet. Is Piglet really dead?”
Gopher paused for a second, smiling inside but absolutely somber on the outside. “Yes, Eeyore... He died. And everyone in the 100 Acre Woods thinks you did it. I’m the only one who is on your ssssside, that’s why I came out here!”
“But I didn’t do anything!” Eeyore said, his ears drooping sadly.
“But they aren’t gonna sssstop until they lynch you!” Gopher exclaimed. “They’re out to get revenge, they want you dead!”
Eeyore shed another tear. “They’re gonna lynch me?” He whispered.
“They ssssure are. There’s only one way out of this. If you take your own life, they won’t be mad anymore.”
Eeyore sniffed. “I guess that makes sense... I guess I don’t want them mad at me... I’m worthless anyway...”
“I’ll stall them, you do what you have to do.” Gopher said, hopping into his hole once more.
As Gopher left, Eeyore sadly pulled a knife from under a stone in his hut and stared at it...
Pooh set down Rabbit sadly into the soft grass of the clearing. For the past hour he had been running back and forth bringing his friend’s corpses to the beautiful spot. With Rabbit, he finally got all of his former friends into one place.
“Before I bury them...” Pooh sniffed, “Perhaps I should talk with Eeyore and see what has happened...” He rubbed his eyes tearily as he wandered toward Eeyore’s house in a depressed daze.
As he walked, Kanga was just finishing up baking a nice banana bread when she stopped. “Well, where’s Roo?” she mumbled, looking out the window for her son. “... Oh, that’s right! He was going to play with Tigger! I should tell him dinner’s almost ready!” With that, she hopped outside and toward Rabbit’s house.
Minutes later, Pooh arrived at Eeyore’s shack, but did not see Eeyore anywhere. “Hello!” Pooh called weakly, voice cracking from the stress of the day. “Eeyore?” He glanced down the riverbed, but still did not see him. As he walked into the tall grass behind the shack, however, he stumbled over something. Eeyore.
With a gasp, Pooh looked down and saw Eeyore laying still on the ground, a knife clutched in his hands and his wrists still gushing. The poor creature could not bear the horror of life any longer. As Pooh cried out once more, he looked closer and saw a message etched in blood across the dirt in front of him.
It was not me.
Pooh saw this and wailed once more, cradling Eeyore in his arms. “Oh, Eeyore, Eeyore... I don’t know who is doing this... but I believe you...” He could not bear to leave Eeyore, so he picked him up to take him to the clearing as well...
As he reached the clearing, worn out from carrying his friend, he could see a figure in the clearing. Carefully, he came up behind the figure, only to find that it was Kanga, looking on in shock at the pile before her. Her young son’s body, in particular, left her speechless and horrified.
“Kanga...” Pooh said, walking up slowly and placing Eeyore gently beside the others. “I do not know what’s happening...”
“Oh, Pooh Bear...” Kanga cried, grabbing hold of Pooh and crying into his shoulder. He patted her awkwardly on the back, not knowing what else to do. This was the worst day he had ever had in his life, and he could think of nothing that could ever make this hurt go away...
But then... he remembered what Owl told him. It seemed so long ago that he had followed Owl’s advice and released that special hunny all over his bedsheets. But it had worked, all bad feelings went away afterwards! He sniffed and looked at Kanga, who looked like she was feeling even worse than him, and kissed her on the mouth. She struggled a bit, out of sheer surprise, but quickly accepted it.
As Kanga hugged him closer, Pooh put a hand down to rub her special tree, only to find... there was no tree! “Why, Kanga...” He gasped between kisses, “There is no-”
She cut him off with a deeper kiss, placing her hand over his and rubbing her vagina with it, showing him silently what to do. As he did so, he placed her own hands onto his bearhood, rubbing it expertly. He shuddered with her touch. Owl was right, it was so much better with another person!
As they kissed and fondled one another, Kanga laid down on the ground, bringing Pooh with her as he lay on top of her, moving a hand instinctively to knead her breasts. She moaned and stroked him harder, until he almost shouted in astonishment at how good it felt. He felt like his hunny would spurt any second. But just before he came, Kanga knew to let go, putting her hands on his back and kissing him once again. She gave it a full minute before she put her hand on his member once more, putting it inside her. “Push it in, Pooh.” She managed to gasp.
Pooh had no reason to disobey, pushing himself deeper. Once he reached the end, he pulled back and pushed in once more. This felt the best of all, he was quite sure. But as good as it felt, he could only manage to pump three more times before he could not control it and “hunny” blasted inside Kanga, making her squirm and moan.
Pooh got up, panting. “I feel... a little bit better...” He said, helping Kanga back on her feet.
Kanga nodded. “Thank you, Pooh...” She sniffed, tears still shining in her eyes. “Next time, maybe, we can go a little longer..."
Pooh smiled weakly. There was nothing he would like more than to go longer. But as he thought that he looked over to the corpses and felt new tears emerging. He walked over to them and knelt beside them all sadly. “I felt better for a little bit... but now I feel bad again... Was Owl wrong?...”
He got no reply at first, but heard a small cry, then a groan behind him. “Pooh...” He heard before turning around to see the one thing that COULD make him feel worse...
Kanga was on her knees, a pickaxe sticking into her spine, Gopher standing behind her smiling. As he yanked out the pickaxe, Kanga tried pitifully to crawl to Pooh, her powerful legs no longer working. Tears streamed from her eyes as she tried to reach her new lover, but inches before she was able to touch him her hand fell limp.
“Gopher...” Pooh gasped, throat constricting from grief. “Why did you do that?...” He stared at the gaping hole in Kanga’s back, horrified.
“Well, sssssonny, I looked around the hundred acre wood and ssssaw everyone hooking up with ssssomeone...” Gopher said, voice cracking nearly as much as Pooh’s. “Ssssso I brought Piglet down to the tunnels and... hooked up with him... But he didn’t want to, and I knew he’d tell all of you after I finished, sssso when he tried to run away afterwards I killed him!”
“But I knew you guys would figure that out eventually, ssso I found Eeyore’s tail, which he left lying around near my tunnels, thankfully, and tried to frame it on him! But you ssstarted asking questions... you were getting closer to asking Rabbit, which would lead you closer to me, and that couldn’t happen, ssso I killed Rabbit...” His grip tightened on the end of his pickaxe. “It kept going, I kept having to tie loose ends until it turned out like this... And now, sssssonny, you’re the only one left. I can’t let you go telling Christopher Robin, now can I?”
“But then you’ll just kill him too...” Pooh said, tightening his fists angrily. “Just like you killed all of our friends!”
“Only if he finds out our little sssssecret.” Gopher said, “And I’m not gonna tell.” He added with a wink. “Don’t worry, I know you won’t fight back. You don’t know how to, you soft little bear.” Gopher said, smiling as he advanced on Pooh with the pickaxe.
But to his surprise, as he got close, Pooh balled up a fist and hit Gopher in the jaw with it with enough force to knock it right out of place. “You little sssson of a bitch!” He screamed, eyes wide with rage. “I’ll fucking kill you!” He swung his pickaxe at Pooh, who was far enough away to suffer only a small rip on his stomach. He ran at Gopher, who was now wide open, and tackled him, punching him in the face enough to turn it into a pulp. As Pooh screamed in a rage, Gopher mustered enough strength to grab a rock off the ground and smash it into Pooh’s temple, knocking him off balance. As he stumbled, Gopher grabbed the pickaxe and slammed it through Pooh’s foot.
“Not fast anymore, eh sssssonny?...” Gopher stumbled back, weaving in dizziness as he looked for the rock he dropped. As he grabbed the rock, Pooh managed to pull out the pickaxe and drop it on the ground as he limped toward Gopher, stuffing falling from his foot wound heavily.
They collided once more as Pooh tackled Gopher at the same time Gopher slammed the rock into Pooh’s eye, shattering it completely. Pooh screamed and punched Gopher in the stomach repeatedly before getting up, picking Gopher up and throwing him aside. The smaller animal rolled weakly on the ground, but landed close to his pickaxe. He grinned, picking it up and wielding it. “Come closer if you think you can, sssseeing as you’re just a gimp now...” Gopher chortled through bloodied lips. He was completely taken off guard by Pooh lunging at him, but still managed to plant the pickaxe into Pooh’s stomach completely, nearly running him completely through.
Pooh grimaced as he felt himself losing consciousness, but saw Gopher still holding the rock in one hand. He grabbed the rock from the weak animal and slammed in into his head with every ounce of his strength. The blow was so powerful it cracked Gopher’s skull, crumpling him as he twitched on the ground. In a weak rage Pooh brought it down three more times between Gopher’s eyes, leaving him unrecognizable as it collapsed his skull completely. Disgusted, Pooh pushed his corpse into the tunnel he had came out of.
Pooh tried to stand, but found he no longer could. He turned his head to Kanga, tears clouding his vision as he laughed softly one last time. “Hoo hoo... Perhaps, Kanga... Perhaps we shall see each other another time?... Perhaps we shall all get to play together somewhere now...” He closed his eyes and his labored breathing slowly stopped.
“What a day!” Christopher Robin sighed, putting his backpack on his bed. “I can’t believe the field trip lasted so long, it’s already getting dark outside!”
As he was about to take his shoes off, there was a knock at his door. “Chris?” Mrs. Robin peeked through the door, smiling. “Did you have fun today?”
“Yes, it was very fun!” he nodded, smiling back. “But we were gone so long, I’m starting to get tired! I think I’ll play with Pooh Bear for just a little bit before going to bed!”
“Speaking of which, Chris,” Mrs. Robin, “You really should be more careful with your toys... I was taking a walk through the forest a few mintues ago and I saw the mess you made in the clearing ruining the toys I got you!”
“What?” Christopher Robin gasped, running past his mom toward the clearing. As he neared it a few minutes later, he could see the bodies already. He looked over the still and ruined bodies of his best friends, tears welling in his eyes as he fell to his knees.
Owl looked on as the young boy arrived at the grisly scene, shaking his head in a sigh. “Could it be that love... The most wonderful thing in the world... can cause this much pain?...”
With that, he spread his wings and flew away from the Hundred Acre Woods forever.