What’s with Melo’s arm sleeves? He looks like a jester; like literally that’s the costume a jester would wear to court to please the king a thousand years ago. Who’s the king then? Maybe James Dolan the minstrel?

Reggie Miller was talking about how Chandler has to match up on Roy Hibbert all night and what a tough job that is. Wasn’t Chandler the DPOY last year? Why isn’t Hibbert having to match up on him? Has Hibbert won a championship? Does Hibbert have the most powerful bald-head to beard transition out of any man in the association? I don’t think so.

David West, David West, David West. I don’t understand why they don’t let him post up more. He seems to score at like 60% if he gets a touch in the post, with Hibbert out there too to crash for second chance buckets, I feel like he’s underserved in this offense.

Sir Lance-Stephsen is awesome to watch. His body is always moving, always fluid compared to a lot of the tightly-muscled guys out there, like George Hill, who always seems a little uncomfortable dribbling the ball to me. Lance seems constantly out of control like they just let a Whirling Dervisher on the court and told him to see if he could spin his way to the hoop.

Oh great, another Blake Griffin Kia commercial. I used to love these. I still love Blake and don’t fault my super-famous and slightly less-fit doppelganger for making his $$$ while he can, but this campaign is at the point of diminishing returns now where every poorly done Blake-face cropping onto the body of some young mixed-race child only makes me vow ever harder to never buy a Kia. The bodies I don’t think can move too much to hide the lines where the face is grafted on and either Blake is trying to be consistent with his acting and not move his neck much either or Blake Griffin is just a super stiff dude, no matter what age.

OK enough with guys being stiff or loose…:s

They just said Tyson Chandler lost ten pounds to the flu in a week. I want that flu. True story, work in an office full of women and somebody said they thought they had a tapeworm and then, like whack-a-moles, everybody popped out of their office one at a time and said, “Who’s got a tapeworm? I want a tapeworm!” “I had a stomach flu last year and lost 3 pounds, it was great!”

JR Smith has just checked in. I call him 30/100. I know he’s had a great year and put up record numbers and is the sixth man and certainly in Woodson’s iso-heavy offense he’s an integral part BUT in my mind he’s excellent 30% of the time and a liability most of the rest. 30/100, 30 percent of the time you get 100%.

Paul George made a pull up to stop a 7-0 run by the Knicks, he’s a quiet superstar, I’d love to see him getting going early in this game.

Back onto JR though, and I’m putting him in the same group as Kobe, where you just wonder, if they played like they were Jimmy Butler on the Bulls let’s say, just played hard on defense and took open shots when they found them in the rhythm of the game instead of forcing them all one on one, how much better would they be? How much more would their team get in rhythm and when they were double teamed late in the game, exhausted from chucking up 30 shots after 1000 dribbles, 500 crossovers and 100 stepbacks?

Frank Vogel looks like one of those really good History teachers you get once in a high school career, who might be in the Army Reserves and actually a weekend Civil War re-enactor. He’s the kind of guy that can get kids who never cared about the revolution to make 3-corner hats and find the open man late in the shot-clock.

Remember when I said Melo looked like a jester? OK Spike just one-upped him. But in this Game of Thrones recasting, Spike is the old washed up jester who’s being replaced by Melo. Spike has more passion but Melo amuses Dolan the Minstrel with greater ease due to his physical gifts for tumbling and prattfalls.

JR. Smith makes a wide open three, no gesture, jogs backwards on defense. No showmanship, just playing, that’s a good sign for the Knicks.

I always wonder why in the NBA they don’t hit the roll man more often on a screen and roll, in my one season as a champion on 2K12 with Ricardo Nixon (The Brazillian Richard Nixon) I used to hit Chandler all the time on the roll and he was a great finisher. Don’t these guys do research?

Speaking of that season, where’s Amare? Did he already punch a fire extinguisher this year in anticipation of a disappointing finish to the off season? Did he mix up his schedule and have to go train with Hakeem early this year.

Ooo ooo! Reggie Miller’s mic turned on early watching Overtime online. (I’m at work doing this) and he said he wanted to talk about Lance Stevenson ball watching leading to a JR Smith open look. That’s code for, Lance was checking out dudes at the club so JR swooped in and snatched up Lance’s female date. Happens more than you’d think in the NBA, these guys are all so burnt out on top-shelf women they sometimes find themselves more intrigued by men’s fashion than women’s passion. Lance apparently has the moves like Jagger.

George Hill has to be the stiffest starting point guard in the NBA.

I just realized that J Kidd and Chandler represent a big part of the Mavs championship team two years ago. If they don’t win this whole thing it will forever answer the question, who’s better, Melo or Dirk.

I can’t tell who wants to win this game yet. It’s 27 to 20 and both teams seem to be feeling each other out still. Nobody is angry. Nobody is hyped up, everyone is thinking a lot about how they’re going to play the game and nobody is out there just playing. It’s like making love to your wife on a Wednesday night and worrying if you forgot to send that last email off at work.

Oh great, here’s that stupid Red Headed reporter I hate talking to Frank Vogel. I don’t know why, she seems nice enough but I get the sense that there’s a guy out there who grew up as her best friend, when she wasn’t that good looking and sort of nerdy and he always had a crush on her and they were about to get engaged when she get the call from TNT that they’d seen her tape and wanted her to try out for the big leagues. She broke that fictional guys heart to pursue her career and now she occasionally hooks up with really fit trainers and slick looking PR guys because she has to keep a line up between work and pleasure. Maybe one time she made out with Delonte West though.

Tyler Hansbourgough made a nice pass at the top of the three-point line. I love when a big comes out to do that where everyone knows he has no intention of shooting and he’s going to make the heck out of the pass to another wing player and then come up for a screen or drop down into the post. It’s like a ballet recital where a frumpy kid with a tiny bulge in his spandex pants is inexplicably able to kick almost high enough to be talented.

DJ Augustine is going one on one against J Kidd and he loses the ball. DJ, that dude has like 15 years on you and you can’t take him off the dribble? Didn’t you used to start? Oh it was for the Bobcats? Never mind. Carry on.

Shumpert is clearly mad I haven’t mentioned him yet. His hair is the freshest and he just jammed it home in transition. We get it Shump, you’re the youngest guy on the team. You have a sense of fashion and you’re physically gifted. You’re not fooling me though, I saw that spoken word poem you did about your grandmother and it moved me. You are a warrior with a sensitive heart. That’s why you’re so good at defense, you’ve spent a lifetime defending a soft core from a cruel world. I’m the same way. JK LOLz!!!

Copeland is in now. He reminds me of Lenny from of Mice and Men. I don’t know if he’s a stupid man-brute or not, he’s just so quiet and big I feel like all the time outs with him and Woody go like, “You’ve got to play better defense Cope!” “And then I can tend them rabbits coach?” “That’s right.” “ And I can pet them as hard as I want?” “That’s right Cope.”

David West is non-stop talking trash to Kenyon Martin throughout an entire possession. A lot of times its more fun to watch the off-ball action than the one on one stuff…hearing myself write I think I’m pretty anti- one-on-one. I like team work! An effective basketball team is like the X-Men, each person has a super power but none are powerful enough to defeat the enemy on their own so they learn to work together!

It’s 41 to 34 in favor of the Knicks but that lead doesn’t seem safe, the Knicks are playing as well as I’ve seen them and they are only up by 7. Also the Pacers look terrible, lots of turnovers and a general lack of understanding as to what they want to do on offense.

I turn over my shoulder because one of those female coworkers I mentioned earlier asked “Oh is that the Lakers game?” And then told me after I chewed her out, “Well if I had something about fashion up on my computer and you go it wrong and I jumped down your throat how would you feel?” “I would care as much as Amare Stoudemire is playing in this series.” I told her.

I come back and now the Knicks are up 11. 11 is a great lead in an NBA playoff game going in at the half. BUT you can’t rest on that. Just in a hypothetical world where coaches can tell their players how much to go up by and they do it, I’d always tell my guys, 11 is good at the half but we want 20 going into the fourth or they’re coming back.

Did Melo changes sleeves? They seem less now. Am I John Candy in Delirious?

Chandler with the steel on Hibbert which he takes coast to coast for the dunk!

Ok almost, Felton came over for the double team and forced Hibbert to call a time out. Still testing this theory, maybe I can’t force it, maybe I have to let it come to me in the rhythm of the piece. I have not yet spelled rhythm correctly, I’m going to type rhythm two more times so I don’t keep spelling rhythm incorrectly. I’m a 29 year old with a college education who works as a secretary, I should be able to spell rhythm correctly.

Shump falls asleep and George comes in for the easy dunk on the inbounds pass. Jr Smith on HIbbert in the post but JR does a good job and forces the ball out to George.

Ok Here comes the Pacers run I expected. They’ve weathered the initial hype storm of the Knicks feeling like “We must defend this house!” That’s why I love NBA games, they’re marathons not sprints. The emotional journey of the first part of the half is over and now we’re watching the same game but it’s a new story. There are always four quarters, but there are many more act breaks in an NBA game.

Hibbert just did the big guy dribble hand off at the top of the 3-line and got called for a foul because he kept moving into a screen after the pass. Should have done a Hansborough and just planted his feet, put on a stern and earnest facial expression, caught the ball on one side, turned 180 degrees and passed it to the other side. Only once the ball is out of your hands do you move again.

JR with a long buzzer beater. End of the first half. Knicks up by 5. At this point I predict the Pacers will win this game by 7.


I turn the game back on with a minute left in the third having had to do some actual work. Knicks up 69 – 64. Apparently the Pacers took the lead for a time because the Knicks have just gone on a 7 to 1 run. Felton got the steal and tossed it off the backboard to K-Mart who did his best Undertaker impression, jumping as high as he can and then selling the move with a lot of yelling and stares.

David West at the free throw line. He only has 13 points so far, they need him to score 25 to win tonight. It’s just a feeling.

JR decides to take the ball to the hole after going 3 of 12. He does a good job of throwing his body around enough to draw contact and get a favorable call.

Shot of Amare drawing on a tiny whiteboard before the break between quarters. I bet he’s working on a new fashion design. Something with a very subtle plaid that goes well with bow-ties.

Quinton Richardson is joking with Melo in a team huddle, where neither of them is paying attention to Woody. Clearly Melo doesn’t need to because he’ll just do what he wants and Richardson won’t play. I wonder what the dynamic is like on a team with a superstar, do guys try to befriend him to get invited out to the cooler parties? Is Knuckle Head trying to get a plus-one to Lala's MTV Grind House?

Prigioni comes in and all I can think about is a gif I saw of him on reddit refusing to shoot a wide-open layup. Every time he touches the ball now I hear a voice in the back of my head go “Will he shoot?” Every time he does I get a little ASMR tingle in my spine.

Holy shit, Delirious theory is back on. Prigioni just pulled up for a 3 and buried it!

Chandler blocks Hansborough after he’s already fouled by K-Mart, that’s like the tag-team exchange in a WWE match where you get a free kick on the guy before your buddy has to leave the ring.

Hibbert is walking to the sidelines looking pisssssed. Not pissed at anyone in general put pissed at life. Maybe he needs to talk to JR about how to deal with higher powers. “Why did you make me so big and rich if I can’t block all the balls?”

These Crown Life commercials confuse me. I don’t know who this host is. He keeps talking about his career in all the spots and saying people are inspiring to him and then consequently they say they are inspired by him. Is that because he won a contest to host the crown life spots? I’m proud of people who win contests too. It’s the most American thing one can do.

J Kidd is dominating the DJ Augustine battle tonight without having to score. He’s owning him on defense and making smart passes on Offense. See young bloods, you don’t always have to get buckets. If I were Vogel, I would cut this up and show DJ all his possessions against Kidd tonight and tell him, in a race, you would destroy that guy, in a vertical competition, in a shooting competition you’d be competitive, so why is he owning you all night????

George Hill just missed the most open three of the night. Does not bode well. Melo returns the favor by nailing a three on the other end and doing his patented three finger had tap. I do the same thing when I go #2 in the work toilet. Richardson is there to give him a five before anyone else. He’s talking to him and nodding. I think he’s saying, “see I told you to make a three, that’s one more than a two!”

Melo tries to reverse on Hibbert under the rim but misses. Oh look who’s there, it’s Chandler with the put back over Hibbert. Seems like he’s doing ok with that matchup.

Melo wants to end this so he’s just going to keep shooting now. Pulls up for a quick and contested mid-range two. He misses but on the other end he gets the steal.

J Kidd misses an open corner three but David West doesn’t do anything to box out. JR easily gets the rebound. David West then does nothing but pretend to almost possibly double Melo in the post. He backs away when its clear to everyone that Melo is going to shoot and literally stands still and watches Melo make George Hill look like the stiffest player on the court. Oh Melo gets an and one. David West you’re making me look bad. Maybe you’re bitter you didn’t get those touches earlier.

I’m just watching David West now. He watches Hibbert drive and then helps him up off the ground. He looks like I do in a pickup game when I know my team is losing and I'm already tired.

After Melo hits the second of back to back threes, putting the Knicks up 90 to 66 in the fourth David West, like a boss, walks back to the huddle calming his team down. There is still time he’s saying. Let’s just do us for a minute.

Guess what song they’re playing out of the time out, “You’ve got the moves like Jagger.” Lance are listening? They’re calling for you.

The Pacers seem like they are throwing in the towel early…hey! Reggie just said that line as I was typing it.

Chandler finishes! Off a Prigioni pass out of an open shot no less. Themes themes, the musical fruit!

And now the benches have emptied. My prediction was wrong, the Knicks have handily taken this one. Good for them. I love to be wrong.

Hansborough shoots a free throw and I notice his little brother, Chota-Hansborough (that’s Pakistani for little) is out there too. They are totes adorbs.

Novak is in despite his back spasms. I have back spasms and they pretty much have kept me from playing since October. I feel for you Novak.

Q-rich still got that stroke!!! Drilled a corner three.

Shumpert just danced like an old lady with a towel over his shoulder. That’s it. I’ve lost that loving feeling for this game. Good job Knicks. Pacers, better get it together because apparently a three day turnaround plays right into the hands of the old-ass Knicks.
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